Is god bipolar or are we missing something🤔

I will start by saying this. I was born to a christian family. My grandmother is the best, kindest person you will ever meet. However, I never felt right in church. Something always felt off. When i was still a baby i wad diagnosed with viral meningitis and given a small chance of survival and almost no chance of coming out of it without any kind of mental issues. When I got my associates degree in programming i had a 3.87 gpa and when i got my bachelors degree in Information Systems Security I had a 3.63. Working 6 days a week 12 hr days does wonders for school work. I cannot say why I survived and turned out the way I have. My grandmother will tell you about a vision she had about me becoming this great speaker and musical person. Idk what the future has in store for me but what I do know is that I enjoy to learn about how humans think and why they do what they do. I also love all kinds of music and have found songs in all kinds of genres that truly inspire me to do better. So, I understand unexplained miracles. Honestly, I can't say 100% for sure I do or don't believe there is more to this universe then us. I would hope so, it seems a waste to have such a vast universe and the best thing in it is humans who are dead set on destroying the world they need for survival. All for what? War, hate, superiority complex? God, gods, supernatural beings these are heatef debates and killing fields. Why? I'm sorry, but if there really is a higher power they are doing a terrible job at things. 

God is a heated debate in every culture and in all religions. None more than the God of the Bible. One major issue that many Christians seem to focus too much on is how drastically different God is portrayed in the old testament vd the new testament. There's many different theories on why this is and I'm not going to get into them. What I would like to suggest is that maybe were looking at this wrong. There's something I learned about awhile back and it just keeps coming back to me again and again. The yin-yang symbol. The meaning of this symbol is simple and profound. The circle represents everything in the universe. The black represents all the bad things that happen in the universe. The white represents all the good in the universe. The dots on each side are extremely significant. This shows that no matter how dark things are, no matter how bad your situation is. There's hope. Evil can never fully eliminate good and if you but stay calm and focus you will find that light. Now, the unfortunate flip side to that is that good can never fully eliminate evil. Evil doesn't play by the rules and will always try to turn even the best things into something bad. I was going back over some old research I had done and I had just finished looking at some yin-yang pendants and it hit me. What if the reason god seems so different in the old testament vs the new is to show the fundamental meaning of the yin yang symbol. Throughout the old testament bad things happened again and again, but there was always at least  one person that held that torch and continued to do the right thing. These people weren't perfect but they did their best to make the world better. In the new testament Yeshua and his disciples showed us what it truly meant to be powerful and good. It also shows just how far evil will go to win. Will it ever end, whats true and what's false? Idk. What I do know is nobody deserves to suffer. Nobody is better than anyone. Everyone deserves to be treated with empathy and compassion. This world is all we can guarantee we have. If we don't take care of it and the animals that we share it with. We will deserve the hell we find ourselves in. 

Men and women

Who hasn't heard this excuse for mens actions toward women? 'Guys can't help themselves its how their hardwired.' Meanwhile women must do everything they can to prevent a man from lusting after them.
This is all pure BS. High sexual urges occur in all humans not just one. It's stupid and crazy to 'pretend' one gender is special and the other is not. Women don't serve men and men don't serve women. We're supposed to be in this together, but u got all these arrogant men that think they can talk to and treat women like their a piece of meat. If a woman can't walk down the street NAKED without u wanting to have sex with her whether she is willing to or not. Your in the wrong. She shouldn't be forced to 'cover up' and not be her natural self. As men we have been subtly taught our whole lives that women are suposed to be 'kinda beside but mostly behind us' its pure BS. I've met so many strong, intelligent, beautiful and insecure women in my life. The most striking similarity that I have found in all of these women is the insecurity. Most importantly 'the cause of their insecurity'. It's crazy to see just how far humanity has gone from the beginning to now. Yet, the most basic thing we need to truly succeed is always missed. We are constantly having to tell people, 'no you can't do that. Why? U mean i actually have to explain to you why it is wrong to strip a drunk woman and have sex with her when she barely knows where she is. I understand she chose to get drunk, but what if a gay guy did it to you? Consent to me has always been pretty straight forward. However, it would appear to me that many men fail to grasp this simple concept. Both parties have to be fully aware of what they are doing and fully aware of the consequences of those actions. Drinking and doing drugs are proven to impare judgement. Therefore, unless it was discussed pre-intoxication, you cannot get permission period! End of discussion. There is not what ifs. Prior approval or it's a no. I know some women lie and 'ask for it', but as respectful gentlemen it is our responsibility to take charge of the situation, say no and help the lady get sober or to sleep safely and unsoiled. Perspective is a big thing with these things. It's hard for many men to see an issue with their behavior. However, I've seen case studies where people are put on the other side of an issue and their attitude about the whole situation changed. Nobody wants to be scared or have to do things they aren't comfortable with just to avoid getting taken advantage of or shamed. As men we must take more responsibility for our actions and quit blaming women for everything.

Haunted by childhood

https://www.dropbox.com/s/minam11owkkj3ld/haunted%20by%20childhood.docx?dl=0

A study on homosexuality

https://www.dropbox.com/s/b0fbiszqi7io4sv/homosexuality.docx?dl=0

Treaties broken

https://youtu.be/8tEuaj4h8dw

Intimidation

Since I was young I have allowed others to intimidate me into believing that I had nothing important to say. I have allowed others to voice their opinions over mine and stayed quiet. Many times because I felt it was needed to keep the peace. I see now I was wrong. My ability to see where pain can be used to heal wounds and mend fences was limited. I have been through a lot in my short life. None of it comes close to what I have heard or seen others endure though. I have grown to understand the words of songs like Nickleback- second chance because I know what it's like to be so close to someone and be so afraid of what would happen if I stepped away. It's ironic how I have lived in my head for so long, yet my greatest fear was speaking my mind because I didn't want to be cast aside.... I know my beliefs are unique. I know these beliefs and my methods shake the foundations of what people believe. I understand just how uncomfortable it is to truly question everything u have ever been taught in life. Pain never goes away. The evil voices in your head will never shut up, but their is a balance that can be maintained. Just because they speak evils that nobody but u will ever comprehend don't think u are alone. We all have an internal battle to fight. I've learned that everything we have been taught about ourselves and the relationships with others is wrong. Too many people are broken and believe that they must find a partner to repair the damage. This is a lie. The ability to repair the damage is within us and when two broken individuals try to fix each other the pain within each of us is like a magnet and instead of healing it tears us apart. I have experienced this and have watched this happen. I do not have all the answers, but what I can tell u is that compassion and a change in perspective will go a long way to helping. I have found a lot of helpful people out there. I try to share with others, but I feel it falls on deaf ears. I speak through pictures, words, videos from others and music. If your searching for something. Take a stroll through my Facebook page, my blog, or my website. I may not be the one u wanna listen to, but maybe someone I know will grab your attention.

Quiet No More!

A note for those that are looking to retire.

This letter goes out to all the hard working men and women that are looking to or are at retirement age. To all those that have children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews. I understand u feel like we are spoiled brats throwing a tantrum. Yes, we are young and spoiled by our technology, but that doesn't mean we don't understand just how hard you have worked over the years for us. We fight with Bernie Sanders for u just as much as we do for our kids. Everyone who has had children wish to leave this world a better place for them. This is our opportunity to ensure they have one. If u think we are not looking out for the older generation u are mistaken. How's retirement looking for u? We know it's crappy. Many of u have to continue to work well past your time. This is not right. We want you to enjoy your hard earned retirement just as much as we want our kids to not have to work their tails off till they are your age to properly enjoy their lives. Truth is we have all been lied to and made to believe this competitive world is the way things have to be. If u would simply stop and listen to what I have to say u may understand why this fight with Donald Trump, the republicans, and the 1%. The fight that has been going on for so long can be ended. It's not going to be easy, but don't let anyone tell u it's impossible. They said that about slavery, they said it about Jim crow laws and segregation, they said it about women's rights, and so much more.... all of it has been changed or abolished altogether. We are told we must compete to survive but we know if we compete we will all suffer and die. Now is our time to finally turn things around and create a society where nobody has to suffer. The time of greed must end. We are all human and nobody is better than another individual. I was told as a young man, that I did not know what I was talking about and I needed to be quiet and let the adults handle things. Well, I am now 30 and my opinions haven't changed. Our society has taken a nose dive however. So I say to all those adults that told me to keep quiet. Now it's my turn to speak up. Now it's your turn to listen. Unlike u I don't want everyone to shit up. I want u to listen to what I have to say. Why? Because they say it's not the loud ones you have to worry about, it's the quiet ones. I have been silent for 30 years and I have heard and learned a lot. I have seen both sides of so many arguments that I know what's going on and how to fix a problem within moments of hearing the opening statements. Understand this one thing. If u truly care for those closest to u. Quit competing and start helping those that are weakest amongst u. Race, religion, sexual orientation, and age are unimportant. What's important is having compassion for one another and working together so nobody has to suffer. We fight for the future of humanity. Will u join us?!